Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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