She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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