Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
