First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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