forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
