Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
