he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize