I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
