I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
