im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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