I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
