I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
