is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
