Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
