You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
