Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
