Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize