I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
