this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
