Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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