tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He felt like a one man threesome
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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