It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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