Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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