I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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