Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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