Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
