Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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