i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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