Do you still have your period?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
