I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
only you would photoshop your dick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize