i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize