I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
