3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
