Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
