Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
