Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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