I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
