i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
