Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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