well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
