today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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