it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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