he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
