i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
