her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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