Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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