hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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