she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
