Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
