He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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