Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
These tits shall not be calmed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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