Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize