we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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