She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
