have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
