epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's never too late to be topless.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
