Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize