I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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