For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
