so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need water and some morals
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
