the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
