She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
