pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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