I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
