Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize