school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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