sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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