so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize