turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
