that's an acceptable place to lick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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