there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
