I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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