Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
