Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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