she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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