White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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