You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
