There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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