Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
