p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
