I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize