the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
