you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
