dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
