Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize