I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
