i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
people are starting to question the shark bite story
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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