does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
