God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
