I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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