So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
