I wish I could teleport
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
