No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
