i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
