so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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