All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What a dumb baby whore.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
