I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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