so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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