Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
