I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
