This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
