you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
